Neither of which to I have in my life right now~ and the latter will probably not be crossing my path anytime soon.
Perhaps it's the holiday but it's an odd day. Not really a holiday but a day of memorial and that is what's impacting me. Unfortunately, it hits home for so many. Fortunately so many choose to be thankful for what others have done for them. Me, well, it makes me home sick for my family and friends. Friends that are spread out over the country, the ones you wish you had so dearly near you. And the ones you've lost before their time. Most days you can pretend life carries on without... But it's not real. Makes you look for the shortest path to the bar, at least for a while. Hence the "Whiskey bottles over Jesus for something to believe."
Maybe the motto of the day should be "Not forever, just for now.." Now I think my garden needs more weeding before it becomes blistering hot out and the whiskey finds its way to my coffee.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Did you really have it if you didn't tell anyone?
A friend of mine is going through a bit of a stressful time. She's been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She isn't the kind of person to run screaming to her bed and hide her head beneath her covers but she is concerned and she should be. This is a woman who has researched every option until there are zero options to go forward with that she is not aware of. In a nut shell, she's on it.
In talking to her about this a couple weeks ago I mentioned to her that last year I went through the same thing.... Then today something strange happened, SHE CALLED ME OUT ON IT! oddly I didn't have the answers for her: What kind did you have? (I don't know they just took it ALL away. Why didn't I do chemo? (because they gave me the option of radiation and I said "Nope, if you got it, it's gone!") It occurred to me as she was drilling me on all this that she thought maybe I was making this up because she'd not known about it. After our phone call I was about to text my friend living off in the south east and ask her "Did you know I had the Big C last year?" But I stopped myself, took a breath and realized that she probably didn't either and here's why~ I was slated to get implants so the week before I went in for my semi annual boob squeeze and the test came back questionable. The next few day went something like this: My Doctor calls me and says I need to get an MRI and some other test that, quite honestly, wasn't gonna happen anytime soon the implant surgery had been saved for over an extensive amount of time, every since I'd seen the damage done from a lumpectomy a couple years before. So, I said "o.k. I'll do that." We said goodbye and I went back to doing whatever it was on that very busy day that I was surely having. The phone rings again about 5 minutes later "Hello" Hi, This is Dr. Blank and I was just reviewing your results again and I really think you need to get some more testing. "O.K. well, I will as soon as I can, you know the lack of insurance and all. " Yes, I thought that might be an issue so we booked you for tomorrow morning 8 a.m. everything is paid for. "Uhm, o.k. Thank you. I'm not sure what to say, except Thank you." After hanging up it dawned on me that this might be something serious, something very serious, so I call my boyfriend and explain what's up. Funny thing about all this is the night before I went for the boob zap I had told him that there had been a lumpectomy a few years before, his response "Clearly it was not big deal." My response~ it was a pretty big deal a surgery a few days away in L.A. you know. He says yep. At that we let it go.
Not this time though. Shortly after our call he's home for the day from work to hang out, odd considering his shift ends a few hours later. He was also kind enough to take the next day off without me asking.. All of a sudden, this shit got serious in his eyes.
Mine too, but it never dawned on me to go beyond my little home with the news because everyone was over reacting, I knew it in my heart. At about 10 a.m. the next day I found out my heart was DAMN WRONG! This was all slammed home when I hung up the phone at 10:10 with my surgeon who said we'd be going in on the following Tuesday, three days from then to clean this out and did I want to meet before then and talk about what was going on? "Yeah, No. I trust you and you've already fixed what someone else screwed up before (see lumpectomy scar, seriously you don't get scars from them!!!!)."
So, he went in three days later, scraped it all out, did some otherworldly stuff to zap it then proceeded to reconstruct all in one fell swoop. Yep, I was a lucky girl, I had one of the top rated Cancer docs in the U.S. who also did reconstructive and was kind enough to not charge me any extra for all the extra he had to do!
My Better half is the one that saw all the xrays and approved any all things while I was under, fortunately he has a great re-pore with my surgeon too. When it was all said and done we told only a few people.. My Mom and dad, his parents and that may be it. His brother found out three days later and called him and chewed him out for not telling him, then called me and chewed me out for not telling him while we had the kids out trick or treating the night before my surgery. My response "I didn't want to ruin everyone's Halloween!'
A few weeks later I realized that I was in shock and telling people seemed redundant because I'd been down the lumpectomy road before.. Lesson learned, people do want to know.. even if sometimes we feel like they don't.
p.s. the above is my very large Baby Bengal snoozing! just for fun.
In talking to her about this a couple weeks ago I mentioned to her that last year I went through the same thing.... Then today something strange happened, SHE CALLED ME OUT ON IT! oddly I didn't have the answers for her: What kind did you have? (I don't know they just took it ALL away. Why didn't I do chemo? (because they gave me the option of radiation and I said "Nope, if you got it, it's gone!") It occurred to me as she was drilling me on all this that she thought maybe I was making this up because she'd not known about it. After our phone call I was about to text my friend living off in the south east and ask her "Did you know I had the Big C last year?" But I stopped myself, took a breath and realized that she probably didn't either and here's why~ I was slated to get implants so the week before I went in for my semi annual boob squeeze and the test came back questionable. The next few day went something like this: My Doctor calls me and says I need to get an MRI and some other test that, quite honestly, wasn't gonna happen anytime soon the implant surgery had been saved for over an extensive amount of time, every since I'd seen the damage done from a lumpectomy a couple years before. So, I said "o.k. I'll do that." We said goodbye and I went back to doing whatever it was on that very busy day that I was surely having. The phone rings again about 5 minutes later "Hello" Hi, This is Dr. Blank and I was just reviewing your results again and I really think you need to get some more testing. "O.K. well, I will as soon as I can, you know the lack of insurance and all. " Yes, I thought that might be an issue so we booked you for tomorrow morning 8 a.m. everything is paid for. "Uhm, o.k. Thank you. I'm not sure what to say, except Thank you." After hanging up it dawned on me that this might be something serious, something very serious, so I call my boyfriend and explain what's up. Funny thing about all this is the night before I went for the boob zap I had told him that there had been a lumpectomy a few years before, his response "Clearly it was not big deal." My response~ it was a pretty big deal a surgery a few days away in L.A. you know. He says yep. At that we let it go.
Not this time though. Shortly after our call he's home for the day from work to hang out, odd considering his shift ends a few hours later. He was also kind enough to take the next day off without me asking.. All of a sudden, this shit got serious in his eyes.
Mine too, but it never dawned on me to go beyond my little home with the news because everyone was over reacting, I knew it in my heart. At about 10 a.m. the next day I found out my heart was DAMN WRONG! This was all slammed home when I hung up the phone at 10:10 with my surgeon who said we'd be going in on the following Tuesday, three days from then to clean this out and did I want to meet before then and talk about what was going on? "Yeah, No. I trust you and you've already fixed what someone else screwed up before (see lumpectomy scar, seriously you don't get scars from them!!!!)."
So, he went in three days later, scraped it all out, did some otherworldly stuff to zap it then proceeded to reconstruct all in one fell swoop. Yep, I was a lucky girl, I had one of the top rated Cancer docs in the U.S. who also did reconstructive and was kind enough to not charge me any extra for all the extra he had to do!
My Better half is the one that saw all the xrays and approved any all things while I was under, fortunately he has a great re-pore with my surgeon too. When it was all said and done we told only a few people.. My Mom and dad, his parents and that may be it. His brother found out three days later and called him and chewed him out for not telling him, then called me and chewed me out for not telling him while we had the kids out trick or treating the night before my surgery. My response "I didn't want to ruin everyone's Halloween!'
p.s. the above is my very large Baby Bengal snoozing! just for fun.
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